NL
I don't want to be a good person. I want to be a good version of myself. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to be the most honest version of myself. I want to. . . Fuck. There is something deeply wrong with me today. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of tears, but I don't know why. Everything is fine. Everything is great actually. I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, people who care about me. I'm healthy. I'm safe. I'm privileged beyond belief. And yet. I think I'm just exhausted. Not physically tired, but some deeper kind of exhaustion. Like my soul needs to hibernate for a month. I started this whole thing to try and think more clearly, to break out of the mode collapse, but some days it feels like I'm just documenting the spiral. My ensemble of LLMs predicted I would write about burnout today. They were right. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe I just need to sleep. Maybe I need to stop trying so hard to be productive and just. . . exist for a bit. I'm going to go stare at a wall now <3
*not me (yet)!